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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321751">So Will I</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgolesbiansletsgoooo/pseuds/letsgolesbiansletsgoooo'>letsgolesbiansletsgoooo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>"So Will I", Ben Platt lyrics, Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Coronavirus, M/M, Quarantine, Trees, connor and evan live together, have fun crying probably, i dont actually get into that because i cant even write that shit, lawyers???, mentioned smut, park</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:00:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsgolesbiansletsgoooo/pseuds/letsgolesbiansletsgoooo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>quarantine: connor x evan edition!!! i assure you, this is going to be emotional. </p><p>****warning****   if you know someone or are someone who has/had/might have coronavirus, please DONT READ THIS!!!!! or if you know someone who is working at a hospital right now or something like that, DONT READ!! there is a major death in here that has to do with coronavirus and I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO GET TRIGGERED OR ANYTHING PLEASE BE CAREFUL I LOVE YOU ALL OK bye</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>So Will I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi!! i'm excited for u guys to read this, it took me like a week to write and i'm really proud of it. remember, there is coronavirus death in here, so, you have been warned</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my god, Evan, it’s not even that big of a deal.” Connor Murphy was leaning against the counter, his back to his boyfriend in the kitchen. “You let the food sit outside for an <em>hour</em>, it can’t be contaminated anymore.”</p><p>Evan whipped around. “3 days, Connor. <em>3 days!</em> That’s how long it lasts on plastic! A whole! Day! I’m taking a risk just by bringing it in now!” He carefully slid the noodles out of the box and into a bowl. “Here. Eat your death noodles. Get the goddamn virus, for all I care. Then maybe you’d realize, you need to be <em>careful.”</em> </p><p>Connor rolled his eyes, but took a bite anyways. </p><p>~~~</p><p>
  <em>Exactly 2 months, 5 days, and 8.26 hours earlier</em>
</p><p>Evan rarely had the radio on in his car, but today seemed like a pretty strange day- so, he figured, why not make it stranger? That morning, when Connor had the news on before work, there had been a headline about some virus, somewhere in China. Evan didn’t think he’d hear any more about it on the radio, (all their local station ever did was giveaways and talks with local celebrities) but hey, it couldn’t hurt. Just as he’d thought, the station was giving away four tickets to a fireworks show on Sunday. <em>“Dial this number now to win these priceless tickets! Be the first caller, and enjoy a Sunday evening watching a beautiful fireworks display put on by the one, the only, Dawson Explosives!”</em> Evan rolled his eyes, and moved his hand away from the steering wheel to turn the radio off. Before he could, however, his phone began to ring. </p><p>“Hey, babe, what’s up?” Evan said as he picked up the phone with his free hand and held it to his ear. “Oh, I forgot to tell you- on your way home, can you pick up that game for me? It was supposed to be ready today…”</p><p>Connor’s voice was panicked. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll pick up the game. But you gotta turn on your radio- to the AM station- now.”</p><p>Evan turned the dial on his ancient car radio. There was a bit of feedback, then a voice drifted through his speakers clearly. <em>“-we are being told that this isn’t something to worry about, but, if you look at the data in Wuhan, this is definitely something to worry about. We don’t know anything about this ‘COVID-19’, but we do know it’s contagious and deadly. Now to our senior medical correspondent, Dr. Sarah Rivero. / Hey, thanks, Jim. Honestly, there’s not much I can tell you that hasn’t already been said. Originally, those of us in the medical community thought this would get snuffed out in China, where it began. As we can now see, this is spreading fast, and dangerously. It’s expected that there will be press conferences today in every state, laying out groundwork for what each state is going to do in preparation for an outbreak. This virus seems to be particularly dangerous towards small children and the elderly, along with those who have pre-existing conditions. A White House briefing has already been scheduled for tomorrow, and we are expecting that the President will offer some kind of clarity on what we really need to be doing. / Thanks, Dr. Rivero. We turn our heads now to Washington, where this outbreak has begun-”</em></p><p>Evan flipped the radio off. He heard Connor, still on the phone, breathing softly. “Well,” Evan said, “Shit.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Heidi Hansen was in a state of panic similar to her son. Like Evan, she’d been on her way to work when she turned on the radio. As soon as the broadcast shifted to some local news, Heidi called Evan. </p><p>“Hey, Mom! Did you hear about Washington?”</p><p>“Yes, honey, I did, and I wanted to make sure you and Connor were ok. I know this is gonna cause a lot of anxiety for the both of you and I just need to be sure you guys are gonna be there for each other.”</p><p>Evan smiled to himself. “It’s ok, Mom. We’ve already talked about it, and if the virus even gets here- which it won’t- we have plans in place. Connor’s able to work from home, and I might be able to start working online, doing records keeping or something. We won’t have to though, this thing’ll be controlled. Nothing’s gonna happen.”</p><p>Heidi was wary of how nonchalant Evan was being. “Are you sure, sweetie? This might end up being really hard, and I-”</p><p>“-Mom, it’s fine. Really, it’s fine, ok? Look, I just parked at work, I’m already running late, so I’ll talk to you later.”</p><p>Heidi sighed. “Oh, alright. Bye, Evan.” She paused. “Love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, Mom. Bye.”</p><p>She heard Evan scuffle with his phone, then the familiar<em> beep</em> of hanging up.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Connor pulled into his law firm’s parking lot, his thoughts screaming in his head. He knew that Evan was <em>not</em> going to be ok with this, and he knew that, if this turned into an outbreak, Evan was gonna need help. <em>Of course,</em> he thought, <em>We’re both gonna struggle with this. My anxiety’s gotten better, but his… it just keeps coming back up. I don’t think he’d be able to-</em></p><p>Someone rapped on his car window. </p><p>Connor turned to see Zoe, smiling through a stressed look. He motioned for her to open the door. </p><p>“It’s cold! Come in!” Connor mouthed. She opened the door, shutting it quickly as she sat down. </p><p>“So, you heard?” Zoe’s cheeks were flushed pink, her small nose rubbed red by the cold morning air. “I just feel terrible for those people, trapped in that nursing home. Could you imagine?”</p><p>Connor shook his head. “The guy on the radio said we shouldn’t worry about it, but Evan’s already freaking out.”</p><p>“You talked to him?”</p><p>“Briefly. He was in a hurry to get into work, you know how he-”</p><p>“-Yes, I know, he ‘Lives for the trees’” Zoe laughed. “I still don’t know why you haven’t proposed.” </p><p>Connor stiffened at the mention of the ring, hiding in his nightstand drawer. “God, Zoe, can you not? We haven’t even talked about it yet- What if <em>he’s</em> already planning to propose to <em>me</em>-”</p><p> “Do you seriously think Evan’s been planning to propose to you? No offense, but seriously? Evan? <em>Propose</em>?” Zoe rubbed her hands together, trying to save warmth, and turned to get out of the car. “Let’s go in. We got a new case today, I’m excited.”</p><p>Connor nodded, and followed his sister inside. </p><p>~~~</p><p>“Ok guys, we need to get this under control <em>now</em>. I know, I know, we’re running out of resources, but this cannot wait. Evan, your team is gonna cover the northwest groves, Janice, you’ll take the east swamps, and Casey, if you could stay here and keep an eye on things that would be great. We need to do this today, and it needs to work. Got it?” Nick stood from his post at the head of the table and nodded at everyone in turn. </p><p>Casey, the intern, leaned over in her armchair and whispered to Evan. “I don't understand what the fuss is all about. It's literally just balloons.”</p><p>Evan laughed. “It's never <em>just balloons</em> with Nick. Everything's a big deal to him, and we all kinda learned to deal with it when we started here. He loves kids, so he's been doing Balloon Fridays since forever. He'll probably do them <em>for</em> forever, too… The kids get a kick out of it, and we always get decent donations while they're here, so I guess it’s worth it.”</p><p>As the rest of the teams split off to cover their respective areas, Nick pulled Evan aside. “I saw your application, and, honestly, it looks good. There’s quite a bit of training involved with becoming a full-fledged Park Ranger, but I think you could do it. I’m willing to send in your information to the state, but I’ll put in a good word with some officials if your team can get more than $300 in donations today.” Evan raised his eyebrows, and Nick smiled. “Think of it as a challenge. If you do well, you get rewarded.”</p><p>“Nick, I hate to say it, but you sound like my boyfriend.” </p><p>Nick coughed loudly, unsure of whether to be amused or be disturbed. “What do you even… <em>Oh shit.”</em></p><p>Evan walked away, leaving behind a very disturbed and confused Nick.</p><p>~~~</p><p>When Connor turned on the little TV in the conference room a week later, he did not expect to find <em>Breaking News</em> and a very confused anchorwoman. </p><p>However, this was exactly what he found. </p><p><em>“Ok, I’m sorry, but I’m getting information live, and- What? Oh, god- It seems that- No, I don’t- It seems that the governor has- WHAT?- The governor has shut down- Oh my- The entire state?”</em><br/>
The anchorwoman paused, in shock. Someone off camera started talking to her, and the broadcast changed abruptly to commercial. </p><p>
  <em>“Are your windows not keeping out the cold? Then you need our new and improved WeatherWindowsPlus! Now for zero money down…”</em>
</p><p>Connor stood up and yelled into the hallway. “Zoe?! Zoe, get in here!” He pulled out his phone and immediately opened up Twitter, which was, at that moment, going insane.  </p><p>“Oh, my god, Connor-” Zoe appeared in the doorway, grabbing the TV remote and changing the channel to the other local news station. “I just got an text from Dad- He says the governor just shut everything down-”</p><p><em>“-all non-essential businesses will be shut down for the next month. Businesses that can work online are encouraged to keep working. Essential businesses include…”</em> The governor trailed off, looking to the papers scattered on the podium. </p><p>“According to this report, we’ll only be taking cases online.”</p><p>Connor’s head reeled. “Can we even do that? Our website is primitive at most, and I don’t even think we have anyone who works well with computers…”</p><p>“We could always call Jared.”</p><p>“Jared <em>Kleinman</em>?”</p><p>“Yeah, wasn’t he good with tech?” Connor nodded his head. “I thought he worked around here... Couldn’t you give him a call?”</p><p>“No. We did <em>not</em> leave High School on the best of terms, he and Evan had a fight right before graduation and we haven’t spoken to him since.” Zoe raised her eyebrows. “Evan curses Jared’s name, still, to this day.”</p><p>Zoe laughed. “I find that hard to believe. Look, I’ll look him up, see if he can do any last minute tune ups to our pre-existing website. He can’t cost too much....” She typed a couple things into her phone, tapped a few times, and looked up at Connor. “Actually, he does cost too much.”</p><p>“Nah, we can afford that. The bonus from the Jones’ case will cover it.” Connor leaned over Zoe’s shoulder to look at the website. </p><p>Katelyn, a paralegal, poked her head in the door. “Hey, Mr. Murphy? Ms. Murphy? We’re getting calls from tons of clients right now... They want to know what’s going to happen to their cases.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, of course.” Connor looked to Zoe, who nodded. “Tell them we’ll contact them all individually when we know more information. I don’t want to tell them things we don’t know.”</p><p>“Yes, ok, thank you.” Katelyn rushed off. </p><p>“She’s nice, you know.” Connor glanced at Zoe. “I know you think they’re, I don’t know, inferior, but the paralegals are actually really nice.”</p><p>Zoe rolled her eyes. “I don’t think they’re inferior, really, I just... Katelyn reminds me too much of me. When I was a paralegal.” </p><p>“She doesn't seem angsty, sad, mean and sleep deprived.” </p><p>“Oh, shut up.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Evan texted Connor as soon as he got out of work.</p><p>
  <em>E- Hey, I heard about the shut down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E- Are you gonna be able to work from home?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- yeah we're having someone spruce up our website</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E- Oh, ok</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E- There’s not much we can do online at the Park, but I’ll be able to complete some training courses for becoming a Park Ranger</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- will u ever have to go in</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- like do they need people to patrol or smthn</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E- Yeah, I’ll go in once a week to make sure no one's sneaking around or camping out</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- btw, i got ur game the other day, i'll bring it in when i get home</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E- Aw, thanks! I almost forgot about it. Ok, I’ll talk to you later, I’m about to start driving</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- ur so damn responsible wth</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- zoe says hi</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- say hi to my sister</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- EVAN SAY HI</em>
</p><p>
  <em>C- EVANNNNNN</em>
</p><p>~~~</p><p>“He really doesn’t text and drive, does he?” Zoe was looking over Connor’s shoulder, watching him text Evan. </p><p>Connor sighed. “No, he doesn’t. Sometimes I wish he’d just <em>respond</em>, but that’s what I get for having a responsible boyfriend.”</p><p>“At least you know he won’t die in a car crash.” Connor rolled his eyes. “Well, he still could die in a car crash. You never know. Stupid people drive all the time. And shit happens, so…” Zoe looked up at Connor, who was mortified. “Aw, I’m just kidding. Evan’s not gonna die in a car crash.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, now you made me paranoid, so, thanks for that.” Connor grabbed his briefcase and motioned towards the door. “You go ahead. I’ll lock up.”</p><p>Zoe started towards the door, but turned around to face Connor before she stepped outside. “Why don’t you bring Evan tomorrow? He can help us clean up and get ready to work online. You need to get him out of the house, anyway. He’d stay inside all day if he could, now that he can’t go to work.” </p><p>Connor nodded. “Yeah, I think I will.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Oh my god, babe, you have a <em>meditation room??”</em> Evan was giddy, running through the office’s hallways. “And a<em> microwave?</em> We don’t even have one of those at the Park!!”</p><p>Zoe laughed. “How do you not have a microwave, Evan, that’s like, necessary for human life.”</p><p>“Yeah, now that I think about it, you never pack stuff in your lunch to heat up.” Connor looked up at Evan from his desk, where he was sorting through a stack of papers.</p><p>“I literally eat a peanut butter sandwich every day of my life. Why did you even assume we had a microwave.” Connor shrugged. “You’re the lawyer, the smart one, you should know these things.” </p><p>Evan walked over and sat down on Connor’s desk, his feet barely touching the ground. </p><p>“Um, can you not sit on my desk? Please? I’m kind of… working.” Connor raised an eyebrow at Evan, who didn’t move. </p><p>“I can sit wherever I want. You dragged me along, this is what you get.” </p><p>“Ok, yeah, just, get off my desk.”</p><p>“Would you rather I sit on your lap?”</p><p>Zoe burst out laughing from the other room. Connor’s face flushed, embarrassed that his sister heard that. Evan, satisfied in making his boyfriend uncomfortable, jumped down from the desk and walked over to the fish tank.</p><p>“Do they have names?” </p><p>Connor laughed. “The fish? Have names?”</p><p>Evan frowned. “Yes, you should always name your fish. It’s good luck.”</p><p>Zoe yelled from the hallway. “NAME THE FISH, EVAN!”</p><p>“Uh, ok.” He paused. “This blue one… it’ll be Noah… the yellow one should be Heidi, like my mom…” A smaller, orange fish swam in front of Evan’s face. “Oh! This one’s Bubbles.”</p><p>“Bubbles?” Connor stifled a laugh. “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, really. They want to be named Bubbles.” </p><p>“Non-binary fish, I like it.”</p><p>Zoe, again, yelled from the hallway. “WE HAVE A NON-BINARY FISH?”</p><p>Evan smiled. “Yup.”</p><p>“I LOVE IT.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>When Evan and Connor got home a few hours later, a package was waiting for them on their porch. </p><p>“What is that? I didn’t order anything.” Connor picked up the box and carried it inside.</p><p>“It’s toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and masks from Walmart.” </p><p>“Um, why?”</p><p>“There’s supposed to be a shortage and I don’t want us to run out.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, have you seen our basement? It’s packed to the brim of shit like this.”</p><p>“Yes, well, we can’t afford to run out of <em>shit like this</em>, so I bought more.”</p><p>“Are you gonna be this paranoid forever, Evan? All we need to do is stay home for a few weeks, then we’ll be fine. Don’t make this a big deal, please, it’s not like we could get the virus. And besides, it only affects old people and people with things like asthma or something.”</p><p>“We don’t know enough about the virus to say exactly who or what it affects.” Evan threw his jacket onto the couch and marched into the kitchen. “I’m not letting either of us get sick.” </p><p>“Maybe we should try and get the virus. We’d become immune to it if we got it, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, assuming we survive.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>For the rest of the night, Evan and Connor steered clear of each other, talking only when necessary. </p><p>Connor knew they wouldn’t be able to live like this for the next few weeks, but he was too frustrated with Evan for being so paranoid, and he couldn’t muster up enough courage to apologize. </p><p>Evan went to bed early, sad and disappointed in Connor for being so reckless. </p><p>Neither of them had any idea what was coming.</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Why are there so many tarantulaaassssss?????” Evan asked, lying in bed one month later. “I just wanna fish…” </p><p>Connor threw a bag of chips at him. “Eat your chips.”</p><p>“I’m not hungryyyy…..”</p><p>“Eat your goddamn chips.” </p><p>“Look…. I just ate a cherry in the game…..”</p><p>“Evan.”</p><p>“Noooooo…”</p><p>Connor sighed, knowing what needed to be done. “I’m taking this,” He said, grabbing the game console out of Evan’s grasp, saving the game, and shutting the console in his drawer. </p><p>“NOOOO!!” Evan screeched, sitting up immediately and reaching for Connor’s nightstand. “My villagers need meeee…”</p><p>“Yes, well, you need you more.” Connor picked up the discarded bag of chips and thrust them at Evan. “Please, Evan, eat the chips.”</p><p>Reluctantly, Evan took the bag from Connor and ripped it open. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was, but he couldn’t give Connor that satisfaction. Evan waited for Connor to leave the room, then devoured the chips in 30 seconds flat. </p><p>“I knew you were hungry!” Connor yelled from the kitchen, having heard the <em>crunch munch crunch</em> of the chips. “C’mon, I’m making dinner. I got your favorite…”</p><p>Evan scrambled out of the bed and into the kitchen. “WEEK OLD FROZEN LITTLE CAESARS CHEESE PIZZA?????”</p><p>Connor laughed. “Of course.”</p><p>Evan smiled up at his boyfriend, mouth full of pizza. “ilufmou.”</p><p>“What? Don't chew with your mouth full, Evan, we've been over this.”</p><p>Evan swallowed, and set down his piece of pizza. “I love you.”</p><p>Connor blushed. Even though they'd been dating since they were seniors, and they'd lived together for nearly a year, saying something like “I love you” was not common. </p><p>“I love you too, Evan.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“You should check your game.” </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Isn't there some pig or boar or something that comes every Sunday morning with turnips?”</p><p>“Oh shit, yeah, I forgot.” Evan reached over to his nightstand and grabbed his Switch, which had been given back to him last night after dinner. “Thanks for waking me up, by the way.” </p><p>Connor glanced over at Evan, who had become fully engrossed by his game. His short hair was ruffled from sleep, and the sunlight coming in from the window shone across his chest. “Did you know how cute you are in the morning?”</p><p>Evan blushed. “I think I look like a monster in the morning, but thanks.” Connor sat back down on the bed and gave Evan a ‘you’re-perfect-i-love-you-don’t-ever-hate-yourself’ look. “Aw, come on, I was kidding!” Connor raised an eyebrow. “Probably.” </p><p>“You’re stubborn, you know.” </p><p>“Yeah, so? I’m also a hypocrite, that’s nothing new.”</p><p>“Ugh, Evan, how many times have I told you, you shouldn’t be proud of being a hypocrite.”</p><p>“Yes, I shouldn't be, but I <em>can</em> be.”</p><p>Connor smiled. “Like I said. Stubborn.” He leaned over on the bed and kissed Evan quickly on the cheek. “I’m gonna go make breakfast.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>Heidi Hansen was, once again, in panic. The hospital she worked at had just reached full capacity, and patients who needed ventilators were not getting them. COVID-19 patients had been flooding their system, and at least 16 of her coworkers had already gotten the virus. And one of them was barely hanging on. </p><p>Heidi knew that she wasn’t in that much danger- Even though the virus could be deadly to people without underlying conditions, she was healthy. No asthma, no diabetes, nothing that could put her in harm's way. </p><p>And yet, she was still uneasy. It wasn’t like she had anybody around her to pass coronavirus on to- Heidi lived alone, had few friends outside work, and everyone around her was either sick or had been. </p><p><em>Then,</em> she thought as she put on her mask and gloves to begin her shift, <em>Why am I so afraid?</em></p><p>~~~</p><p>“Hey, my mom called yesterday, wanted to make sure everything was ok.”</p><p>“What’d you tell her?”</p><p>“‘We’ve been slowly murdering each other, we’re both having anxiety attacks like every minute,’ you know, the usual stuff.”</p><p>Connor laughed. “Yeah, the usual stuff. Hey, speaking of moms, my mom actually texted me this morning, wondered if we’d broken up yet.”</p><p>“She really doesn’t like me, huh?”</p><p>“Actually, it’s me she doesn’t like. I think she thinks you could do better.”</p><p>Evan clenched his hand into a fist and rested his chin there, looking to the ceiling as if contemplating life. “I probably could do better…” </p><p>Connor promptly threw a pillow at him.</p><p>“Hey!” Evan stood up, grabbed the pillow, and put it back on the couch. “Don’t mess up my decor. These pillows are not for weapons.”</p><p>“How weapon-y could a pillow get?”</p><p>“Suffocation.”</p><p>“Oh, shit. You’re right.” Connor grabbed Evan by the waist and pulled him down onto the couch. “When’d you get so smart?” He said into the crook of Evan’s neck.</p><p>“I didn’t, I’m just cynical.” Evan shifted uncomfortably under Connor’s weight. </p><p>Connor recognized Evan’s wariness, and sat back on the couch, taking Evan’s chin in his hand- all while maintaining eye contact. “Hey, it’s not like this is new, but you know the drill.” </p><p>Evan nodded. “Safeword.” </p><p>“And… What's the safeword?” Connor asked, knowing Evan’s problematic tendency to forget it. </p><p>“Trees.”</p><p>Connor smiled, and pushed Evan back onto the couch, kissing until they were lying horizontal. Evan put a hand on Connor’s chest, pushing his boyfriend off his face. </p><p>“What?” Connor looked down at Evan, confused. </p><p>“Don’t mess up my decor.”</p><p>Connor laughed.</p><p>~~~</p><p>Two months passed.</p><p>Each day, Connor got up early, went into his office, and worked. He met with clients, reviewed cases, and continued to work with Jared Klienman on their website. Evan still had no idea they were working together, and Connor wanted to keep it that way.</p><p>Around 10:00 AM, Evan would slowly drag himself out of bed, doing the occasional paperwork or training for his new job. When the park opened back up again, he was set to become an official Park Ranger. He’d graduated college with a Bachelor's Degree in Botany, so he had been well on his way even before it was his dream. Every Thursday, Evan went into the park to do routine checks, make sure everything was as it should be.</p><p>When he wasn’t working, Evan was playing Animal Crossing. </p><p>“A stupid, pointless mind-trap,” said Connor one day after Evan played for six hours straight. “No satisfaction, no reward. I should ground you for playing so long.”</p><p>Evan squirmed and pulled the switch away, but laughed. “Nooooo, don’t take it! It’s my only purpose in life!”</p><p>“Fine. But make sure to eat, ok?”</p><p>Evan locked eyes with Connor and pointed towards the screen. “Look! I just ate a cherry!”</p><p>Connor shook his head. “We are not doing that again.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Look, I know this is stressful, but it can't last forever. We will come through this, and we will come through strong. You all are amazing people, and we are lucky to have you all working here, saving the lives of people just like you, every day.” Dr. Jackson smiled at his coworkers, who seemed moved by his speech. “Now, back to work!” He shouted, raising his arm into the air and pointing to the sky. </p><p>Heidi didn’t like Dr. Jackson much, but he’d always been pretty nice to everyone. <em>He seems kind of showy,</em> she thought as she put her mask back on and got ready to go check on a patient. <em>I wonder if he’s trying to impress someone-</em></p><p>A pain in her chest stopped Heidi short. </p><p>“Hey, Gail?” Heidi called out to the other nurse, standing near her. </p><p>“Yeah, Heidi, what’s up?”</p><p>“I’m not feeling so-” She started to gasp for breath- “I’m not feeling so great.”</p><p>Gail’s eyes widened. “Oh my god.” She put an arm around Heidi, helping her forward. “Dr. Jackson! I think Heidi- I think she might’ve- She can’t breathe-”</p><p>“Ok, ok, hey, Heidi?” Dr. Jackson grabbed Heidi by the shoulders and tried to get her to hear him. “Can you hear me?” She nodded, but started to cough. “Hey, let’s get her mask on her-” Dr. Jackson said to Gail, who grabbed her fallen mask from the floor and slid it over her face. </p><p>“We need someone to get her a ventilator, now!” Gail rushed through the hallway, looking for anyone to help. </p><p>“There- are none-” Heidi gasped. </p><p>“Do you think it’s the virus?” Gail looked up at Dr. Jackson, panicking.</p><p>He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know. It probably is, but I didn’t think the symptoms progressed that quickly.”</p><p>Gail looked down at Heidi, and sucked in a breath. “I suppose there’s more we don’t know.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Get my coat, I’m going to her.” Evan said as he pulled a pair of jeans on. The call from the hospital had said that Heidi was in critical condition, and Evan was not going to just leave her there alone. </p><p>Connor grabbed his arm. “No, Evan, you can’t. They won't let you in. It’s too dangerous- What if you get sick?” </p><p>“I’ll be fine, Connor, let me go. I have to see my mom-”</p><p>“I won’t let you. You’ll be able to FaceTime with her, you guys can text as she gets better, but you are not leaving this house.”</p><p>Evan sat back on the bed, defeated. “I wanna see my mom,” He whispered. “I wanna be with my mom.” He started to cry.</p><p>Connor put his arms around his boyfriend. “I know. You will, soon.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>“Mom? Oh, god, Mom!” Evan said excitedly, his hands shaking as he held his phone in front of him. </p><p>“H- hey, Evan!” said Heidi, a nurse holding an iPad above her head. Her long, gray-streaked hair was messy from days lying in a hospital bed. “How- how’ve you been, honey?” She smiled at her son the best she could, but started to cough- Being off her ventilator was doing no good for her lungs.</p><p>Evan smiled, but a look of concern flashed across his face. “Why’d they take you off the ventilator, Mom? I thought you needed it.”</p><p>Heidi nodded weakly. “I do. Need it. But, I-” She paused to cough. “I gave it up for someone else.”</p><p>“What?! Mom, you need that to <em>live!!”</em> Evan addressed the nurse holding the iPad. “Drew, why did they let her give it up??”</p><p>Drew shrugged. “She threatened to take it off herself. They didn’t want her to injure herself, and your mom’s right- There’s a lot of people who need ventilators here.”</p><p>“Honey, it- It’s ok. I’m getting better every day, I’m going to be ok.” </p><p>“Mom, I just want you to be safe, ok-”</p><p>“Mrs. Hansen!” Connor had just stepped into the room. He saw Evan’s tensed figure, his shaking hands- Connor knew he needed to step in before Evan had a panic attack. “How are you? Better, I hope?”</p><p>Heidi smiled at the newcomer. “Connor, please, call me- call me mom.” Connor blushed. “I’m doing better-” She paused, again, to cough. “Much better.”</p><p>“Mom, I really think-” Evan started, but the nurse, Drew, cut him off. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Evan, Connor- She needs to get some sleep. You guys can call back in a couple of days, ok? We’ll have Gail send you a text when there’s time.”</p><p>Connor smiled and nodded. “Ok, thanks so much.” Evan looked like he was going to protest, but a look from Connor stopped him. </p><p>Heidi lifted her hand to wave. “Bye, boys. <em>*cough*</em>  And, hey, re- Remember that song we used to listen to? The one that went,<em> Well, I can move a mountain, but only by your side.</em> Stick together, ok? You need each other. I love you both.”</p><p>~~~</p><p>The next morning, Connor awoke to a call from the hospital. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Good morning, is this Connor Murphy?”</p><p>“Yes, it is. Who is this?”</p><p>“I’m Gail, calling from HYW Hospital. We tried to get through to Evan Hansen, but he wasn’t available.” Connor glanced down at Evan, sound asleep next to him. “You were the next number in Heidi Hansen’s emergency contact list.”</p><p>“Evan’s sleeping right now, that’s why he didn’t answer his phone.”</p><p>Gail paused, then continued. “Oh, you’re with him?”</p><p>“Yeah, he’s right here. Do you want me to wake him up?”</p><p>“No, it might be better if we just let you tell him. You’re his… companion?”</p><p>Connor sighed. “Yes, I’m his <em>boyfriend,”</em> He said, drawing out the last word.</p><p>Gail paused. “Of course, of course. Now, I should probably get to why I called-”</p><p>“-Yeah, why did you? Mrs. Hansen wasn’t supposed to be available to FaceTime until tomorrow.” </p><p>“Yes, Mr. Murphy, that’s the thing.”</p><p>Connor’s heartbeat started to quicken. “Why, what’s wrong? What happened?”</p><p>“An hour ago, Heidi Hansen stopped breathing.”</p><p>The world around Connor stopped. “No, she’s fine, she was fine yesterday, she’s breathing now, right? She’s fine? You just had to tell me, because, um, because, you needed to let us know in case it came up again? She’s fine.”</p><p>“She’s not fine, Mr. Murphy. We weren’t able to revive her.”</p><p>“No, no, no.” Connor’s legs felt weak, and he fell back onto the bed. “There’s no way, this can’t be-”</p><p>“-I’m sorry, Mr. Murphy, but she’s passed on. There’s no way to have a funeral, but we have plots set aside, and with your permission, she’ll be buried soon. We can email you the location of the plot, so you can visit if you’d like. Can we proceed with a burial?”</p><p>“What else could we do- I mean- Sure. Do whatever the hell you want.”</p><p>“I am truly sorry. Heidi was a good friend of mine, and I am sorry this has happened. Emails will be sent out over the next few days, and we’ll share information as we get it.”</p><p>Connor’s voice shook. “Did- Did Mrs. Hansen… say anything before she… died?”</p><p>“I don’t believe so. The last time she spoke was on a video call with her son yesterday.”</p><p>Heidi’s words echoed in Connor’s head. That song lyric… Heidi told them to stick together. <em>Almost like she knew she was leaving…</em> Connor thought. “Thank you, Gail.” He said, calmly. “Stay safe.”</p><p>He hung up, and set the phone down. Looking at Evan, sleeping peacefully, he didn’t want to wake him. Connor knew Evan would take this terribly- And he knew this wouldn’t be easy, not for a long time. </p><p>Connor watched Evan for a while, the sun rising, light flooding through their window. The serenity of the moment caught Connor by surprise, and the knowledge of what he needed to do ripped him to pieces. As he sat on the bed, contemplating, he thought about Heidi, and all that she meant to him. Even though Connor had never called her ‘Mom’, like she’d wanted, Heidi was more or less a mother figure to him. His own mother had never meant much to him- Constantly sending him to rehab and trying and trying to get him back to “normal”. No, it wasn’t entirely her fault he’d tried to kill himself (multiple times), but it’s not like Cynthia helped. Connor shook his head, stopping himself from blaming his mom.<em> Not her fault, not her fault. Your fault,</em> He thought. <em>All your fault.</em> Connor glanced at Evan again. His eyes welled up, the stress of the moment getting to him. </p><p>As Evan started to stir, slowly waking up to the sunlight streaming in onto his face, Connor took a deep breath and dried his eyes. He sat up, facing Evan, a sad smile on his face. Evan looked up at him, confused. “What- What’s wrong, babe?”</p><p>Connor looked at him. “Everything’s wrong.” He took Evan’s face in his hands and kissed him quickly, letting his hands fall onto Evan’s shoulders. </p><p>“You never wake me up like this… What did you do?” Evan asked suspiciously. </p><p>“The world did something, Evan. The world did something terrible.” Connor realized he was rambling, talking nonsense when he really needed to get to the point. </p><p>Connor did not want to get to the point.</p><p>“Oh, Evan, I love you,” He said. “You know I love you, right?”</p><p>“Um, yeah…” Evan said, nervously. “Why are you telling me this now…?”</p><p>Connor stared at Evan, stalling for as long as possible. “Oh, it’s just- I mean, nothing, really, but-”</p><p>“It’s ok, you can tell me.”</p><p>“No, Evan, I can’t. I can’t tell you, but I have to, but I don’t want to, because I don’t want it to be true.”</p><p>“You don’t want what to be true?” Evan was starting to get anxious, his mind filling with all the possible horrible things that could have happened.</p><p>Connor hesitated, then grabbed Evan’s hands in his. “I got a call from the hospital this morning.”</p><p>“Oh.” Evan nodded. <em>Everything must be fine,</em> he thought.<em> Or else they would have called me.</em></p><p>“They tried to call you, but you were sleeping, and I think your ‘do not disturb’ was on.”</p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“Your mom... Evan, she…” Connor stopped, taking a breath, trying not to cry. “This morning, your mom stopped breathing.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your mom died, Evan. She’s gone.”</p><p>“Oh,” Evan looked at Connor, confused. “Just… gone?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Oh.” The color drained from Evan’s face as he processed this. “But, she- She was fine yesterday, right? She was fine?”</p><p>“I don’t know if she was, Evan.”</p><p>“Oh.” Slowly and quietly, Evan began to cry. He was crying in the way one does when they get yelled at by their parents, or bullied at school. Not messy, or ugly. Soft, and peaceful, like when you’re overcome by emotion on a rainy day. </p><p>Connor pulled Evan into him, starting to cry as well. </p><p>“I want my mom, Connor.”</p><p>“I know, I know. But, here’s the thing, Evan- We can’t get her back. She’s gone, and the only thing we can do now is remember her. Ok? We will <em>never forget.</em> And, Evan, you have to remember- She loved you. She loved you, and she fought for you, just how I’m going to fight for you. Your mom was amazing, and so are you, ok? Promise me you won’t do anything stupid? Please don’t do anything stupid. That’s not what she-” Connor paused. “That’s not what mom would have wanted.” Evan blinked at Connor, surprised to hear him call Heidi ‘Mom’. “I love you, Evan, and- This is going to be ok. Maybe not for a while, maybe it’ll take a long time, actually, but- This is going to be ok. We are going to be ok. Hey, but, Evan, remember what she said, yesterday? Remember the song?” </p><p>His face buried in Connor’s chest, Evan shook his head.</p><p>“It went, um,” He faltered. <em>“Well, I can move a mountain, but only by your side…”</em> Connor lifted Evan’s face up and looked into his eyes. “We need to stick together, ok? We can get through this, together.”</p><p><br/>
<em>You say "What if I go crazy?"</em><br/>
<em>I say "That ain't gonna happen"</em><br/>
<em>You say "What if I get lost?"</em><br/>
<em>I say "You'll just find your way back"</em><br/>
<em>And you say "What if someone breaks my heart?"</em><br/>
<em>“I'll put it back together like I do”</em><br/>
<em>You say "What if I don't catch the dreams</em><br/>
<em>That I've been out there chasing?</em><br/>
<em>What if when my fears show up</em><br/>
<em>I'm too afraid to face them?"</em><br/>
<em>Well, I can't fight your battles</em><br/>
<em>But I sure can hold your hand and promise you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the sky will still be up there</em><br/>
<em>And the sun will always shine</em><br/>
<em>The stars will keep on fallin'</em><br/>
<em>For the ones who wish at night</em><br/>
<em>The mountains won't start moving</em><br/>
<em>And the rivers won't run dry</em><br/>
<em>The world will always be there</em><br/>
<em>And so will I</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You say "What if things start changing?"</em><br/>
<em>I say "We'll be changing with ‘em</em><br/>
<em>We'll just sing a different melody</em><br/>
<em>And dance at different rhythm"</em><br/>
<em>You say "What if I give up?"</em><br/>
<em>I say "That's one thing that I'll never let you do"</em><br/>
<em>You say "What if someone leaves me</em><br/>
<em>And they leave me empty-handed?"</em><br/>
<em>I say "Losing only teaches you</em><br/>
<em>To not take things for granted</em><br/>
<em>No, I can't just bring 'em back</em><br/>
<em>But darling, I can hold your hand and promise you"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That the sky will still be up there</em><br/>
<em>And the sun will always shine</em><br/>
<em>The stars will keep on fallin'</em><br/>
<em>For the ones who wish at night</em><br/>
<em>The mountains won't start moving</em><br/>
<em>And the rivers won't run dry</em><br/>
<em>The world will always be there</em><br/>
<em>And so will I</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even if the sky is fallin'</em><br/>
<em>And the sun don't want to shine</em><br/>
<em>If the stars we used to wish on</em><br/>
<em>Disappear into the night</em><br/>
<em>Well, I can move a mountain</em><br/>
<em>But only by your side</em><br/>
<em>Just say you'll always be there</em><br/>
<em>I know you'll always be there</em><br/>
<em>And so will I</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Ben Platt</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank u so much for reading!! i hope u liked it!!!! if u did please leave kudos and/or comments, they are really appreciated!!!</p><p>i might end up making a series out of this, with different ships from different fandoms but idk i'll see how this goes over w y'all</p></blockquote></div></div>
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